How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the wife cook in the dark.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
Why do men like air-headed women? Opposites attract.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them!
How do you blind a woman? Put a windshield in front of her face.
How many men does it take to mop a floor? None. It's a woman's job.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Don't be sexist. Broads hate that!
Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman!
How many women does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen or the bedroom ???
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working? Marry a new one !!
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven!