Top 10 signs you bought a bad christmas tree:
10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide
9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride
6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
2. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"