Texas Dumb City Laws
• It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
• Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
• Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.
• It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.
• It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
• It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos.
• Urinating on the streets is illegal.
• Appearing in public places wearing a “lewd dress” is prohibited.
• Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons “of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.
• It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.
• "Offensive gestures" will not be tolerated at any special event.
• Bicycles must be operated at a “reasonable speed”.
• One needs permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city park.
• No person shall throw trash from an airplane.
• Landing an airplane on the beach is illegal.
• No person shall inhale fumes from model glue.
• Any person who sits on a sidewalk may be fined up to $500.
• No person may disturb a church service by swearing.
• Drivers of city vehicles must respect all traffic rules just like the rest of us.
• It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
• Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
• Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times.
• It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.
• It is illegal to drive within an arm’s length of alcohol – including alcohol in someone else’s blood stream.
• It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
• Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
• It is illegal to do “U Turns”.
• It is now illegal to place a “for sale” sign on a car if it visible from the street.
• It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
• It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
• Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.
• You can ride your horse in the saloon.
• No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square.
• Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.