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Audience: General    Humor Rating: 1 1    Category: Christmas    Type: One Liners
CLICK TO E-MAIL Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?
"Freeze a jolly good fellow!"

What does Santa put on his toast?
"Jingle Jam"

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??
Santa! The other two don't exist!

What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!

What do the elves call it when Santa claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Santa Jaws!

What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Crisp Kringle!

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint "Nickel"-less!

What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!

What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus!

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
Rapping paper!

What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-"toast"!

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won't take themselves!

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position!

What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
Tyranno-santa Rex!

What's red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like "rain", "Dear"!

How does Santa take pictures?
With his North "Pole"-aroid!

Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A "Holly" Davidson!

Where does Santa go to vote?
The North Poll!

What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa Paws of course!




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