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Audience: General    Humor Rating: 1 1    Category: Christmas    Type: One Liners
CLICK TO E-MAIL What kind of music do elves like best?
"Wrap" music!

What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
Why, shortbread of course!

What kind of money do elves use?
Jingle bills!

Why did Santa's helper see a therapist?
Because he had low "elf" esteem!

How long should an elf's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
"First, YULE LOG on"!

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log!

What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!

Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
Elfis!

Who lives at the North Pole, makes toys and rides around in a pumpkin?
Cinder-"elf"-a!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Holly.
Holly who?
Holly up already and Elf me wrap this present for Santa!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Yule.
Yule who?
Yule be sorry if you don't Holly up and Elf me wrap this present for Santa!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow time to be playing games! Yule be sorry if you don't Holly up and Elf me wrap this present for Santa!

One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"

Why do elves scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where its itchy!

How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"

Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!

What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!

What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!

Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because Santa had said, "No L!"

Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the Christmas band?
Because he had the drum sticks!

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes!

What's another name for Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

Where do you find elves?
Depends where you left them!




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