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Presently viewing...   Quickie Christmas One-Liners #2
Audience: General    Humor Rating: 1 1 1    Category: Christmas    Type: One Liners
CLICK TO E-MAIL What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?
A mistle-"toad"!

Did you hear about the cat that swallowed Mrs. Claus' yarn?
She had mittens!

What did the grape say to the peanut butter?
"'Tis the season to be jelly!"

This year even the toys are stressed out!
Yeah, they come already wound up!

What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!

What do you call an exploding Christmas tree?
A Tannen-Bomb!

Knock. Knock.
Who's there?
Hanna.
Hanna who?
Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells!

Why is the turkey such a fashionable bird?
Because he's always well dressed when he comes to dinner!

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling crummy!

Why did the mosquito buzz around the bar?
Because he was a "bar humbug"!

What kind of money do they use at the North Pole?
Cold cash!

I keep Christmas in my heart every month of the year.
That's because it's on my charge card statement that long!

Where do you keep a Christmas tree?
Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four!

Where would you find chili beans?
At the North Pole!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger!

What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A porcupine!

What do Eskimos use to hold their homes together?
Ig-"glue"!

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

A Christmas definition:
The time of year when you exchange "hello's" with strangers and "good buy's" with friends!

What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked?
A polar bare!

What is in December that isn't in any other month?
The letter "D"!

I know its the thought that counts, not the size of the pressie...
But couldn't people think bigger?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Holly.
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

What did one angel say to the other angel?
Halo there!




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