Illinois Dumb Laws:
• You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
• You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
• The English language is not to be spoken.
Dumb City Laws in Illinois:
• No one may stand on the sidewalk on the 500 block of Illinois Avenue. (Retracted)
• One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth.
• All businesses entering into contracts with the city must sift through their records and report any business they had dealing with slaves during the era of slavery.
• Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
• It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
• It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.
• Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
• In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
• It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
• Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
• It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one’s dog.
• Cars may not be driven through the town.
• If one wishes to plant new sod in his or her yard in the summer months, that person may not use the city’s water to water it.
• Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
• Bowling is forbidden.
• It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
• No person may keep a smelly dog.
• It is illegal to burn bird feathers.
• Jostling others is illegal.
• No bicyclist may practice “fancy riding” on any city street.
• There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.