* What was the last thing anyone said on the Titanic? 'I know I ordered ice but this is ridiculous!'
* What sort of cake do they have for desert on the Titanic? Upside-down cake!
* Which ship can never get hit by an iceberg? FriendSHIP!!
* What goes down well with ice? The Titanic!
* What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? About halfway!
* On the Titanic the captain calls a meeting of his officers:
'I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?'
'The good news', replies an officer.
'We'll get eleven Oscars.'
* Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying. A passenger went up to the captain to ask him a question.
Passenger: How far are we from land?
Captain: Two miles...
Passenger: Only two miles, then why are these fools making so much noise. I can swim that far easily.
Passenger: In which direction should I swim?
*Sign seen in an office: The difference between this place and the Titanic is.... they had a band!
*Management consultant to crewmember -
Consultant: To confirm, are we short of lifebelts or lifeboats?
Crewmember: Both, Sir.
Consultant. Excellent, we've made savings across the board.
*Heard when the ship went down...
So this isn't New York?
It's still better than Carnival!
So has the midnight buffet been canceled?
How big of a carry-on can I take on the lifeboat?
Do you mind if I hold your baby for a minute?
This is definitely the last time I book a cheap repositioning cruise!
Ah, so this is what they mean by 'cruise to nowhere'.
We can't afford to stop here long. I've got a plane to catch in New York.
Nobody reads my tweets, but if we get one of the celebrities on board to twitter this, it'll hit the news!
Ooh my wife's fallen overboard. Hold the lifeboat. I've got to update my facebook status.